Hangry Baby 2020

Hi Again!

Guess what happened since my last post? I had a baby boy! Braxon Alexander Strobel was born on November 9, 2020 at 10:26am in the most chaotic of circumstances. While my motherhood journey has been anything but smooth or easy, I can confidently say that nothing brings me more joy than my sweet baby Brax. My heart has never felt so much love, and I cannot believe this perfect angel is mine. Shout out to the real MVP, hangry husband, who has made this transition into parenthood survivable. Food is still at the top of my mind most days, and I’m excited to share my new food adventures with you again. However, I think it’s important to share my story of becoming a mother, so I invite you to join me to read more…..

My pregnancy was mostly uneventful and I was seeing the midwifery group at GW in Washington, DC. I was a low-risk pregnancy with hopes of giving birth naturally. At just shy of 42 weeks, I started having contractions on a Friday evening after my very stressful non-stress test. They started very close together at every four minutes. I knew what signs to look for and wasn’t worried that labor would progress rapidly, so I went to bed. I also knew that I was not dilated at all so wanted to stay at home as long as possible. The next morning, contractions were very intense and we talked to our doulas who gave us some comfort tips and advice for when to call them to come to the house. Nearly eight hours passed and the contractions had not let up and were still every four minutes. I was also experiencing intense back labor. One of our doulas stopped by with a TENS machine to ease the back labor and provide some belly wrapping techniques that would provide relief. They also recommended the Miles Circuit to progress labor.

I took a bath, bounced on the exercise ball, cried, prayed, and questioned why things were not progressing more rapidly.

After 24 hours, our wonderful doula, Michele, came to start the birthing process with us. Contractions were incredibly intense and still clocking in at every four minutes. I was exhausted and started to anticipate the contractions and would mostly repeat “no, no, no, no” over and over when I felt it coming on. This became my mantra, as negative as it was it worked for me, ha! My doula could tell the baby wasn’t moving down so she tried different positions with me to encourage Braxon to move down behind my pelvic bone. At around 10pm, I tried to get some sleep and was very surprised at how deeply the body can sleep for four minutes at a time. After about an hour, I became restless and decided to labor in the living room while my husband slept. My doula stayed with me and we watched nearly the entire final season of Schitt’s Creek - I had saved it specifically for this purpose! My contractions really started ramping up around 4am and I was in a lot of pain so Michele woke up my husband and we labored together for an hour. At that time, I noticed the tiniest bit of fluid coming out and to me this was a sign that things were finally progressing! It had been nearly 32 hours of labor and I was ready to go to the hospital to see what was going on.

Covid during labor is no fun, there were Covid tests, masks, delays, etc. But once we were finally settled I was eager to get the show on the road. My contractions were STILL at four minutes apart and I requested intermittent monitoring so that I could be free to walk around and move. After what seemed like hours, the midwife on duty came to check me. I was devastated that I was only 3cm dilated (originally 1cm before she checked!). I was 100% effaced, though, so I credit the pineapple. I spent the entire day laboring naturally, going back and forth between strength and determination, and sobbing and wanting to give up. My husband helped support me during the terrible back labor and essentially held me up through every contraction. What helped the most for me was sitting in the shower with the hot water on my back (while I cried out in pain). I remember my mucus plug coming out at one point and I thought for sure I’d be pushing soon.

Around hour 48, I started Pitocin and I was presented with the option of having sterile water injections in my back to help ease the pain of the back labor. I was told it would feel like four bee stings. Well, it felt more like four vials of acid/fire/venom being stabbed into my back all at once - literally four nurses administered each one at the same time because no one would do a second after the first…. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced pain like that before, and I highly DO NOT recommend it. All it did was scare the shit out of me and direct the pain elsewhere for a minute. One nurse left crying….

By the way, I was only 6cm dilated at this point and fought tooth and nail to get into the tub (Covid restrictions were making it tough). The tub was very relaxing but I had reached my limit. I asked for an epidural and we decided if I had not progressed significantly, I’d get an epidural. I’ll never forget hearing Ilana (the midwife) call the anesthesiologist immediately and put me first in line just in case. That alone eased my mind. She checked me and just looked at me and said “let’s go ahead with the epidural.” I was crushed but desperately needed rest.

The angel anesthesiologist was there in minutes and administered it right there for me with my husband by my side. I am so grateful for this man - I hadn’t had any pain relief from four-minute contractions in two days. I felt immediate relief and was asleep in probably under 10 minutes. My husband cuddled up with me and I probably got a solid two hours of sleep before I woke up to a room full of the entire OB team and the midwives.

I was told to flip over because the baby’s heart rate was dropping. I flipped over so fast I think everyone’s jaws dropped since they didn’t expect me to be able to with the epidural. I was scared, but knew deep down it would be ok. The heartbeat normalized but I was debriefed on a c-section in case it happened again.

It did happen again, and at that point they broke my water for one last hope at delivering vaginally. I had a lot of amniotic fluid, which could have been why the baby was not descending. There was also meconium in the fluid, which can sometimes lead to complications. When the baby’s heart rate dropped a third time, they rushed me in for an emergency c-section and I was very scared. I was exhausted, and I was worried about my baby and I kept thinking that my laboring naturally put him in distress.

I got intense labor shakes during my prep and was also feeling everything so was nervous I’d feel them cut me open! I’ll never forget Dr. Berry in his pink cap telling me it would be ok and he would take care of me. My husband came in shortly after and I was shaking so badly that I could not calm down. Once the surgery started, things started going very South for me. I felt like all the hydration had left my body and I was desperate for water. I started dry heaving because there was nothing in my stomach to throw up, and I began going in and out of consciousness. I thought I was going to die, and I asked my husband not to let me die. Hannah, the midwife director was by my side and started to wet my lips after my pleas. She told me I was not going to die and it would be ok, but I knew something was wrong.

A few minutes into the surgery, my darling boy was out and crying loudly! The surgeon, Dr. Marko, said “of course” a sign that despite the urgency to get him out, he was perfectly healthy! His cord was in a true knot, which caused the heart rate to drop and prevented him from dropping lower for me to push him out. I remember saying “I can’t see him!” and they hoisted him up higher since he weighed in at a whopping 9lbs 3ozs!

I had originally demanded skin-to-skin up his arrival, but I was in such bad shape that I requested Braxon be given to my husband. The midwife eventually convinced me otherwise and gave me my baby. My husband later told me he noticed a lot of blood on the floor and wondered why it was taking so long to put me back together. We’d soon find out…

It’s very blurry for me but I remember feeling like I wasn’t all there. I could barely focus and I was just going through the motions of what my doula and the doctors were telling me to do. What was odd was that the surgeon and the midwife walked back to our room with us and asked if they could talk to us. Apparently I said “come back in an hour.” I’ve never felt so physically awful. My husband helped Brax latch onto my breast to eat and the doctors were back an hour later on the dot.

They sat down and told me that during the incision, my uterus had torn 99% of the way around equatorially - extremely rare. They thought they’d originally have to remove my uterus all together, but Dr. Marko was able to stitch it up and save it (insert tears from me here). I had lost way too much blood, which is why I was passing out and why I felt so badly. They hooked up a transfusion port to my arm, but apparently my positive spirit and willingness to fight helped me avoid a transfusion.

We were in shock. I was told I had to wait at least two years to try and have another baby, which I’d have to deliver at 37 weeks via c-section with a vertical incision. Every doctor for the rest of our stay harped on and on about birth control because of the risk that getting pregnant before then would cause. I was devastated and angry and in pain and trying to figure out how to breastfeed and adjust to life with a newborn and constantly being talked to about a transfusion and I could barely stay awake from the blood loss and it was horrible.

But wow was I enamored with this small perfect baby boy. Braxon was an absolute angel, who loved to eat from the beginning! I can picture his tiny newborn face and his big mouth chomping on to nurse. It truly is a miracle.

After an extended stay, we went home and I recovered while my hero husband took care of us both. I struggled a bit with breastfeeding as I had an over supply, mastitis, and bloody nipples, but it all really normalized by three months postpartum. Not surprisingly, I suffered some tough postpartum depression, anxiety and rage. I found a great psychiatrist and was put on Zoloft, which basically saved my life. I was triggered tremendously from hearing Brax cry and was really struggling with what happened to me during birth. For me, I was really looking forward to pushing out a baby naturally. Literally none of that happened and I’ll never get the chance to try it again. It’s tough to come to terms with!

As of today, April 14, 2022, I have weaned off of the Zoloft, I’m finished breastfeeding and feel very much like my old self again. It was a long road for me to get back to this place and I am so happy to be feeling back to normal. Birth is a crazy thing that is different for every single mother. I’ve found such new respect and comfort with my fellow moms and my life has changed drastically! But I have never experienced a love like this before. It’s hard to imagine life before Braxon, and my life is so full now. I’d do it all over again to have my sweet Braxy boy with me.

I hope this story helps another mother struggling with the after effects of becoming a mom. It’s ok to ask for help and to voice your feelings and emotions - we do not need to carry this weight alone. I am so thankful for the online communities that exist today (although social media can be extremely overwhelming postpartum!) so that we can find groups of mothers/parents to talk about these issues with!

Now, back to food! I’m excited to share some new content with you that includes my new lifestyle as a mom and my love for eating.

xo